Everyone has dreams.
Everyone has ambitions.
Behind the windows i see my friends fulfilling theirs. I see people struggling through their potential and succeeding.
I see people thriving.
I see people rising.
All my friends i grew up with, those i hang out with, now they have their dreams fulfilled. They have their accomplishments.
And I’m still here.
Right where i was from the beginning. Right where they left me. I’m still on the road of dreaming. I’m still wishing.
People are growing into responsible men and women. Through their professionalism and skills, i see them having great achievements. I see them get rewarded with fruits of their labour. Their dreams are becoming true.
I feel bad, but not for them. I feel bad for myself. Why cant i be like them? Not literally, but just on a survival level.
Why I’m i different? I have been asking this question a thousand times, and it has bore no answers.
I’m left stranded. Not sure which is my destiny.
I have read many motivational books so that i get inspired, but still I’m a castaway.
I have not yet found my purpose. Just dreams.
Why me? I’m i a bad example for people to relate against?
I’m i cursed?
I have been praying for miracles to happen. I have been waiting for doors to open, for the stars to twinkle right through me. And its been a long time, nothing is happening.
None of my dreams are evolving from a blue print to being a reality.
My path leads to nowhere of interest.
I want change. I want to grow and have something to be proud of. Something to hold on to, not succumbing to sweet dreams and nightmares only.
I have always dreamt of being a doctor. I have always wanted to save lives. Unfortunately it wasn’t ready for me. I’m not sure if it was my path to follow.
Dreams change when you fail in one, and so do plans. I had many dreams and none blossomed. People say, “God has plans for you. God’s timing is the best. ”
I’m still waiting. Maybe the plan is to just keep on waiting. I dont know.
But i believe we are not equal. I shouldn’t be comparing myself with others, even if they are better off than me. We all have different frequencies.
Do you know what gives me hope?
Its the fact that each one of us has a different path.
Some are meant to inspire us, and others are meant to help us. Dreams are valid, but like the dragons, they choose their dragonlord.
Hope is what makes me calm. I feel like i have a greater purpose. I’m meant for greater things, i believe so.
I guess i was desperate seeing people enjoying their dreams in reality.
It was right for me to feel that way, but patience is a virtue, and its earned.
Now i no longer stand on the windows. I no longer hide behind darkness to see the growth of others, but I’m outside venturing, finding my purpose.
I’m done sympathising with myself. I’m done being jealous.
Its time to be stubborn with myself, and find a way.