We all have faults and strengths. However, our strengths are only determined by how peacefully we have come into terms with our faults, and learned to love them as inevitable parts of ourselves. And that they define us.
To feel a deep repugnance for them, is like abominating your whole self. Each part of you plays a wondrous role towards becoming a person you wish to be. These parts, including the faults, are gifts that you should utilize and exploit for the greater good of your whole self, both in the present and towards the future.
Each of us knows our faults. We know how messy we are. We know sometimes we are impulsive and repulsive, doubtful and afraid. We know how fragile we are and how delicate our hearts are, that they break even with a whisper.
I know my faults. I know I’m bound to trip and fall almost in every journey my feet walks in. And I hate myself most times, and it comes a depressing time where I wish I was dead.
I know I am broken down by pain and suffering, and sometimes I become a different person washed by the vicious waves- and I see life as a monster, and I the prey. I know I hate to feel down, and when I do I feel bad, then sad. And then I totally loose it, and I become scared that I’m just a piece of shit. So I push people away, even those whose intention is to save me from dark days.
I know my faults. I know my limits. I know my days are numbered. I know in some of these days I will feel broken by this world and frozen by time. And I won’t always show up with greatness, or make it to the top.
I know there are walls I cannot break, and rivers I cannot cross. I know there are places I cannot walk in, or fly to. I know there are things I so much crave, but I cannot have them in my hands.
I know there are people I want so bad, but they do not see me as a person to be loved.
I know there are people I love and cannot love me back even in their dreams. And I know there are people who love me but I do not love them back. I know even with what I know I still fail to understand why I do the things I do. Or explain why things keep happening, especially those that show off my faults.
I know time is precious but I find it hard to save it. I know I keep saying I have learned so I will be cautious and that it won’t happen again, but I still fall with the same blade, over and over again.
I know I claim I believe in God, but my actions are bound to the desires of the flesh, and wishes for wealth. I know I say I’m a believer, but I often renounce my faith.
I know there are times that will hit me hard and I will loose control. I know my promises are not always kept, and my truth is easily swept by the waves of personal necessity. And I find it difficult to differentiate between what is right and what is necessary. I know thinking too much has been poison, corroding me and I tend to render most things undone.
I know almost all of us have this tendency of starting things, or get into things which we believe they are not malicious in any way and working our way out is very possible.
I know we hate to see ourselves for what we cannot do, and the more we try to prove ourselves wrong the more we dig deeper ourselves into a black hole of despair.
I know we have a tendency of wanting to be perfect and amass all the attention and affection. So we compare ourselves with others because we cannot help ourselves, and we try to be like them. Even when we need to give up a lot of our own dreams and plans.
I know we are so stubborn in trying to get what we want, even when we keep getting the same heartbreaking results. And when we are finally drained all the energy we cry out loud and we become blind to other possible ventures and chances.
I know only one moment can change how we see people. I know our trust can be broken with just words, and our faith becomes misplaced with just one action. I know we cannot loose count of how much we have forgiven someone for their mistakes, and for hurting us.
I know it is hard to remain vigilant that we deserve so much. And what we want is not always what we get. I know we so much crave a confined state of happiness and when we succeed we still wish for more wild freedom.
I know in events of devastation we remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we learned we were ruined. Thus, we are overwhelmed with guilt.
I know those people who taught us how to love by loving us turn against us sometimes. And they ruin the chapters we included them of this book we named the pursuit of love.
I know that it is hard to recover from all these flaws and renounce our bad habits. We try, we struggle, we fight, we pray and we beg for these stains that we have to wash away.
But their gift is that if we dearly want to be righteous among men, we should keep trying because they cannot always wash away completely. Because sometimes bad things happen even if our intentions were purely honest, trustworthy and righteous.
And sanity, righteousness, and victory is always measured with how many times you rise up, shake off the dust and walk in the path of pure light after a fall. Not because it is just the right thing to do, but you believe in it, that is the right thing to do.
This is a gift that if we want a memorable and meaningful life we have to accept peacefully. And be willing to face darkness and bring the best of ourselves to the light.
It is not all these faults that are entirely our burdens to be blamed for. Most times we want to be perfect and love each other, and care, give with all our hearts, and even sacrifice for others.
Loving and breathing is learning to live with imperfections, because beneath them there is a pure intention of wanting to be perfect. And that is what we have to love. Under the flesh we are just sack of bones, but they are strong. So be strong.