I did not want to post anything today. I just didn’t feel like it, but then I couldn’t stop thinking about what my friend and I talked about yesterday. To hell with feelings anyway (for now). Yesterday I had an intellectual conversation with a friend of mine. There was so much that we seemed to have in common. Suffice it to say that we did rip ourselves open and talked about life, love, and how all that revolves around us and the people around us.
Ever think that you are so hard on yourself and maybe you don’t get it the right way? Well I do. And I guess you always wonder when all that pressure and the rush is going to end- because on one side you don’t give a fuck about how the world sees you, and on the other hand you give a fuck because you are afraid that at the end of all this, it may come to mean nothing.
All I’m saying is, sometimes it doesn’t click and things seem hard to figure out. Sometimes you just lose touch from the people around you, sometimes the vibe just disappears in the things you love. Sometimes you don’t feel like it, you don’t feel like doing it or making your way through it.
Sometimes you disconnect and feel out of place. Sometimes you just want to let go and give it all up.
That is how is how I felt: a feeling of detachment, disconnection, a bit of guilt and feeling worn out- both mind and body- it consumes you and overwhelms you at some point and you feel as though crippled.
Sometimes you wake up but your mind seems to be asleep and your body feels heavy. Sometimes you want to do something but you just cant seem to put yourself to it.
Sometimes it feels like you have no strength, no ideas, no reason to do that particular thing, but in the midst of all that, you still have to try and do it regardless. Because we don’t wait to get better or wait to feel something so that we can do something. We do it no matter how we feel because it would save us the trouble of fixing things in the future when there might be other things needed to be done.
More importantly, we become better when we strive to be better, and even when it means straining so hard when you feel low. The process of fighting that feeling, pulling yourself out of that messy feeling of inadequacy, while you try to create something or working on something, it is always worthwhile.
Some days there’s cold. Some days there’s drought. Some days are dry, and we have nothing to hold on to. But we always have that smile… that smiling heart… and that is enough for us to hold on to ourselves as we overcome the negative energy within us to create better moments for ourselves.
No one said it was easy. I had to fight this feeling since morning till now, but I did it and I figured out despite this unmotivated mind, a feeling of disconnection, and how it consumes you so much, the only thing stopping you to liven up and do what you what you want to do yet you don’t feel like it, is yourself. It is the choice of giving in to that feeling over working through it anyway.
No matter how disconnected you feel, or how hard it seems to click, or how your mind is exhausted and unmotivated, you are only one choice away from overcoming that negative energy flowing through you and do your thing.