Let me tell you something, depression is far worse than what most people think of it.
It all begins with the feeling of absence and fear. First you feel lonely, then you become afraid that you’ll always be lonely. Then you hate the world and people, then you begin hating yourself. And it gets worse.
Depression is feeling helpless because you know what is happening to you; and you know you are losing most things that define you, or rather you’ve already lost all.
Depression is looking at the world and seeing no place for you because in that moment you don’t see yourself as a person, but as a mistake, a bad code.
Depression is not only a sad face, it is a cancer that accumulates and eats you from the inside- that way you could be smiling at people, but deep inside, you carry a broken heart that has lost its spark, and a soul which lost its way.
I know this because I have been depressed. I drowned deep in that hole where you don’t play an active role in your life because you are not present anymore; because there is no strength left for you to utilise it to push through the darkness towards the light.
You are just there, waiting for time to elapse, and maybe ease the pain by ripping your soul out of you.
You see most people go to work every day, they do their normal chores and study, but deep inside they might be lamenting and they wish the darkness in them engulfs them completely.
They might just want to leave this world, and you never know.
Of course you cannot see what’s inside of them because they’ll definitely hide it from people- because they believe they are alone, and that everyone has their own problems, so they should focus on their own (but the problem is that they don’t focus on theirs to rid them or solve them, they just lament in bitterness).
You just see them as normal people doing their normal things like everyone else. Of course they will smile and talk to you politely as if nothing is wrong, but they know better, they do.
In these dark moments, when you are depressed, all you are left with is the rage. Sometimes you’ll try to let it out, but it’s difficult.
So most times when you try to let it out, when you lash out, most people don’t understand you… some don’t even try to, and life itself sometimes rebukes you, thus the rage just bounces back and it burns inside as you loose faith completely.
Truth is sometimes life tends to be hard (I mean how many times do we have to say this: that it comes to a point when life hits you hard), it seems so brutal that it suffocates us and all we see is darkness.
And this I know, sometimes we say this just to ease the pain, but it’s just the painful truth. Life is hard sometimes. And what’s even harder is that we have to face the rest of our days with a brave face, or with a broken heart, but still have the strength to stand firm and try to collect the pieces and begin afresh.
Above everything else- the pain and the suffering- the point of life is living until life can’t hold on to us any longer; and not because we gave ourselves to death by giving up on living.
In all sense, we just have to live. We have to believe.
We have to, no matter what, even when we know how hard it can be, or how much darkness can engulf us, or how our fellow humans can turn against us.
We just have to live.
Because when we do, when we choose to, then we will automatically choose to free ourselves from the pain, from the depression, from the baggage of defeat we’ve placed on ourselves.
Life is a journey of discovery and suspense, but you need a sense of humour to digest what it dishes out you.
Despite all the pain we feel, despite all the hatred we have towards the meaningless life we find ourselves exploring, we should remain focused to value ourselves and to enjoy life. That is how you beat depression.
It’s not easy, I mean nothing is easy in this world. Everything needs work.
But when you take the first step of valuing your life and the fact that you exist, meaning that you have a chance to save yourself even in the midst of so much suffering, it warms you up and pushes you up a little further from the dark hole you are in.
We all have to bear in mind that life is short and we are blessed to be alive.
Life should be all about creating better versions of ourselves and developing the lives we want to live as well as enjoying every moment of it.