Has it ever occurred to you that your life seems to always follow the same pattern?
That there are things you can’t have, and you can’t change about yourself.
You try to do things differently, at least escape insanity, but results still remain to be the same: that is very disappointing.
It’s not being negative, or paranoid or over thinking, it’s trying to understand how come some things don’t just change no matter the effort.
Of course they change for a moment, just to give you hope and make you smile for a while, but then it all goes back to the way things were: very disappointing.
I was trying to question how does someone come to a point and take their own life. I mean what goes on in their mind as they come to a conclusion that they have to kill themselves.
And the answer, presumably, is the fact they felt so damaged and that there was no other way out.
You know hardships are not just a part of life, but they make life. And as much as we hate it, we all have to go through them once in a while. That is rejection, heartbreaks, failure, abuse… etc
However, there are more complex and more tragic experiences that cause so much harm.
It’s like they don’t just disrupt and devastate the mind, but they also rip your soul apart. Something that sometimes might feel irredeemable. Or rather make us feel so unworthy of redemption.
Some things about life can be so hard to explain. And sometimes, behind that seemingly complex mind, everything can be broken into pieces.
I say this because we live in a world where there is so much that is expected of us. And that might seem like it’s no big problem, but it is, because when it feels like you can’t do what is expected of you, that you also expect yourself to do, then you feel so unworthy.
When you feel you can’t keep trying to change how things keep unfolding, when you feel like your psychological wounds can’t heal completely, you feel so unworthy.
The thing is, this kind of trauma or damage usually changes us in the deepest level. And it can either make you a whole new person, or break what made you as a person.
I don’t know how to be motivational about it. But I guess the whole point to survive this is by finding something; it could be art, it could be someone, or people. I mean anything.
….anything that can give you hope and help you cultivate love. Because these are the things that lets you see the beauty of life, and lets you find lessons in the suffering.